She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
