I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
