I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
