The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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