i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
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