I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Randomize
