Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
