theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
