I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Can I color on your dick again?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
