Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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