is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
