if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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