His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
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i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
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These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
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