Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
