what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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