Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
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