mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Randomize
