Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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