dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
