"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
