does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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