Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
