my vag is so smooth its legendary
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
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