Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
