I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
