so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Randomize
