Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
you inspire me to be a worse person
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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