he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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