Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
It's just like the Real World with babies
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
How does it feel to date your dad?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
