I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
