lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
17 year olds will be the death of me.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
