and my herpes radar will keep us safe
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Dicks are not precious.
Randomize
