No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
