I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
