so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Randomize
