and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
