you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
