I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Randomize
