Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
