Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
