I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
