you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
