me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
