Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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