Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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