I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Randomize
