The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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