Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
