I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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