I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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