I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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