i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
