made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
