the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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