make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
