not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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