you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
