I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
