She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
