Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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