i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
