I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
