strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Randomize
