It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize