you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
