And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
