All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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