it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
