She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
So apparently I’m into choking now
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
