all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
