You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
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i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
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some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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